Battle of the Bulge-Busters

How do you know when you're fat? How about when the office decides to have a contest to see who can lose 10 pounds the fastest, and it's hatched by two women who really have no reason to be losing weight, and the only person they approach about joining this "contest" is you. Hmmmmm.

Well, being the competitive sucker that I am, I threw in my ten dollars and boasted that I had lost thirty-five pounds in a month before, and I can drop this ten pounds in a week! Oops. Ok, so it was more like twenty pounds, and it took me all summer, and I was working in a hot factory for 40-50 hours a week, but I've still got it in me. Trust me, there is plenty of it in me.

That evening, as I was finishing my last supper, I planned my strategy... gorge on watermelon and drink a gallon of water just before my first weigh-in. Well, the water and melon didn't quite make it that far. After four midnight trips to the bathroom, I figured I ought to play this thing honestly, and me and the missus hauled out the long-forgotten Weight Watchers plan and hatched a for-real approach. We hit the WalMart for the necessary veggies, frozen dinners, itty-bitty diet cupcakes and On-the-g0 water enhancer flavorer packets.

Turned out, Anita is doing Jenny Craig, Teresa is doing the South Beach, and I am going to win with Weight Watchers.

Personally, I prefer the Baha'i Diet. Take the best of all diets, and indulge. One diet restricts your meat, but lets you eat bread. Another prefers meat, but no bread. WW lets you eat ketchup, sauces, and all the veggies you can stand. Put that together, and you've got the makings of a good hamburger. Now, if I could just find one that promotes cheese...