Brainless Beauties Only, Please

PC Police Officer Perez Hilton arrested and convicted Miss California for being honest and having a valid opinion. I usually don't pay much heed to the beauty pageants. In fact, they are usually more laughable than anything, especially when it comes to the question and blabber sessions. But something very special happened in this one. When asked a question about her stance on the gay marriage issue, Ms. CA stated that she believed that marriage should be between a man and a woman. She had to outspeak the boos emanating from the audience. I think this is awesome. What a unique opportunity this young lady experienced.

We talk of suffering persecution for standing up for what we believe to be right. Often, we experience this in very indirect ways. We are accosted through our TV sets or newspapers or internet. If confronted on a one-on-one situation, there is usually some semblance of respect given for your opinion by the other party, who may then go and gossip about you later.

This girl was confronted with a big dilemma. She likely would have gotten the crown. She didn't even have to give a strong stance. She could have given a non-answer that would have satisfied the head-hunting liberals who were reaching for their pitchforks as the question was being read. In fact, if you read her reply carefully, I think you see the struggle she is going through. She realized the importance of this question, and of this moment, and she went for it. What a defining moment in her life. In this moment, she rose above the crown... sort of a Miss USA++. The crown she wears will endure much longer than the one she gave up.

Save Our Show

My wife and I have discovered one of the most fantastic television shows to come along in a long time. "Pushing Daisies" is about a pie maker with an extraordinary gift: he can bring the dead to life just by touching them. I know this sounds morbid, but the artistry and chemistry of this show makes it fun and enjoyable. It is very well written, and stars an unusual and bizarre cast of characters. It is a love story of childhood sweethearts who can't ever touch.

See, while Ned the Piemaker (black tie) can bring the dead back to life, he can also send them back to their eternal rest by touching them once again. In fact, if the person, or thing, remains alive for longer than one minute, something else of similar stature will die. He saved his beloved dog, Digby (the hairy one), as a child, and is resigned to petting him with a backscratcher for the rest of his life.

A private investigator (purple shirt) discovered Ned's secret and recruited him for an unfair advantage in solving murder mysteries. I mean, how many crimes wouldn't be easier to solve if you could just ask the dead guy who killed him? As fortune would have it, one of these dead guys was Ned's long-lost childhood sweetheart, Chuck (the girl in yellow). Now how could he be expected to put her back to sleep?

Chuck has two "aunts" (standing together in the back) who don't know she is alive. To make for some fun (and extremely hilarious) romantic (and otherwise) comedy, cue that really hot blonde chick. She is a real hoot who really carries the show.

The narration sounds much like the old Winnie the Pooh, and the writing is very whimsical. The show is a real jewel. The last show that I felt this passionate about was "The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.", a fun western that lasted only one short season in the early '90's.

I bring this show to your attention because I need your support. I just discovered that the show is threatened with cancellation. Just watch one episode (Wednesday nights) and I guarantee you will be hooked. Then get someone else to watch just one episode (so they, too, will get hooked). Eventually, someone who has been recruited by Nelson ratings will watch, and love it, too. And then, voila! We won't have to worry about it going extinct.

Just one episode. Please?

Edited: The show airs on Wednesdays, not Thursdays!

America's New Top...Smurfette?

I was just cruisin' thru the wwweb when I spotted this (highlighted for your convenience):


Out of the millions of searches being done... Smurfs?!!

Well, OK...

I must admit, its been a while, but I really enjoyed them, even though they were subliminal pawns of Communism infiltrating Saturday morning cartoons to indoctrinate young minds to overthrow the establishment in violent revolution and become all equals in the glorious new Order of the All Things Red. I figured I was safe since the Smurfs were blue, and they were all in love with Smurfette (who was pretty sexy, even for a Smurf). I didn't think Communists were allowed to love.

I think the real story turned out to be that the Smurfs were the subliminal pawns of commune hippies, man, like infiltrating "Saturday. Morning. Cartoons." (wink, wink), man, so, like young minds can be, like, be free, y'know, and all individual, like, so they can, like, all grow their hair long and moppy and wear round sunglasses and play folk music on guitars and citars, thus frustrating the whole "establishment", man, thereby stickin' it to "The Man", man, and fight the whole oncoming ice age thing by then getting "jobs" and "careers" and buying SUV's so they can, like, warm the planet and save us all from total extinction and annihilation, man.

Whichever story was true, I guess it worked.

Persecution... Bring it on

I want to thank The Educated Shoprat for bringing this to my attention. I was actually not aware that this was even being produced. I would like to thank Michael Medved for his very insightful and respectful treatment of the Mormon faith and reaction (or non-reaction) to this very inflammatory depiction of an admittedly tragic error in the history of the LDS Church.

It is unfortunate that people can hold on to a grudge that, actually, has very little, if any, effect on their present lives. Living in Arkansas, I have spoken to relatives, as distant as they may be, of the murdered wagon train. I understand that they may never gain a respect for the religion. But to continue to be so angry about it is, in my opinion, nothing more than a justification for repudiating the Mormon faith.

My predecessors suffered extreme depravities, endured pain and hardship, including the deaths of sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, at the hands of murderous mobs. While those people had every right to be angry, I do not. I have suffered humiliation, degredation of reputation, "corrections" to my core beliefs, banishment from Heaven, banishment from social acceptance, among other consequences because I have elected to remain in the faith.

I think I am a good guy. I get along with most people. If you were to ask people who know me, or know of me, they would probably tell you that I'm pretty decent. Amazingly, some of those people will immediately disavow me the moment they discover my Mormonistic inclinations. But as Mr. Medved pointed out, I have no intention of recruiting some 12 year old Deacon to strap bombs to himself to vindicate this affront to my faith.

America's Got Talent Deficit Disorder

I don't know exactly why I watch this particular show. I guess because I don't have attention deficit disorder, so I can sit for long periods of time watching drivel like this, where I am told by a washed up actor/singer, a Brit who paraded her defunct family and loser hubby in front of millions of Americans, and another Brit who wouldn't recognize real talent if it was right there... on stage... before.. his... uh, yeah, exactly.

Great acts pop up now and then, only to get shoved aside for the strange and freaky side show that will wind up performing in high school assemblies across the nation.

That every one of these shows is judged by a Brit or Italian, and originally ran on the BBC, only serves to prove my assertion in the title of this post.

Art to Art

This is FANTASTIC! You have got to check this guy out.

I like art, but am often disappointed at what passes for art. Too often, it is merely a statement, often rebellious in nature, or static. What I seldom tire of, however, is watching it be created.

I was the cartoonist on my high school newspaper. I dabbled in art over the years, studied graphic design, made a few t-shirts and designed awards. I now play around with graphic design, but can only dream of making a creation that has any artistic merit. Mine usually get the "That looks pretty cool" or "yeah, that's cute". I get a few accolades now and then. But this guy is a visionary. He can look at the blank canvas, know what he wants to draw out of it, and then enjoy the ride.

Sheryl Crow Makes Sense

Sheryl Crow is urging the use of only one sheet of toilet paper per visit. Personally, I think this is a grand and practical idea. In addition to saving our planet from global warming by overheated used toilet paper (the friction caused by the wipe generates a significant amount of heat that gets trapped in the fibers), we would also be promoting a healthier and more sanitary environment, as we would be forced to wash our hands and clothes more frequently. We would also avoid social and public congregations, for obvious reasons, further alleviating the environment of the cumulative build up of hot air.

Crow further proposes the removable sleeve, for wiping your mouth during dinner, or your nose during a cold, or your eye after a melee in the mosh pit at a Crow concert. This will alleviate the overuse of throw-away napkins and kleenex. The preservation of germs and viruses will keep people home more often, resulting in decreased productivity, resulting in fewer vehicle and factory emissions, and more time watching indoctrinational daytime talk-shows. (I just wonder what we will use to dab our eyes during the soaps.)

There is an economic advantage behind this innovative toilet paper idea. In a house full of girls, 32.6% of our annual budget goes toward the purchase of this household necessity. No longer would I be interrupted in the middle of Lost by the all-too-familiar phrase "Can someone bring me some toilet paper?!!!"

I love my wife!

My wife is awesome! She has really taken to this wave of reality shows, exposing me, in the process, to a wide world of diverse tastes and talents. But never have I appreciated this fascination as fully as I did this week.

Dancing w/ the Stars is a show about precision, technique, and talent. The idea is to take fading celebrities, some of whom you would probably never remember as having existed, and pay them to learn to dance. They work hard all week, and then perform on Monday night. This season has been rather uneventful. In fact, I was wondering if any of them were even taking this job seriously. So were the judges. Clyde the Jolly Green Giant seemed more concerned with scheduling tee times than whirling hips and throwing small ladies around.

Mr. Achy Breaky appears ached and breaked.

The former Mrs. McCartney's leg landed her on her buttocks.


Just as I was beginning to lose all hope, and start washing dishes...



Apollo and the Tiger Lady.








and...





and then...



Now, who couldn't appreciate fine ballroom dancing?

Thanks, Sweetheart!

Oprah, or Harpo?

Oprah looked a lot like Harpo the other day, pulling things out of her pocket that have no bearing to relevancy. After interviewing the loveable Michael J. Fox (who I admittedly enjoyed as an actor, and admire for his efforts in pursuing a cure for Parkinson's), Oprah stood in the Holocaust Museum and declared how unfortunate it is that Fox is getting headline coverage, instead of the number of soldiers dying in Iraq.

Grabbing her own spotlight, Cutsie Couric pops up on CBS News to introduce Fox as the unfortunate victim of a political controversy, simply because he wanted to promote a Democrat candidate whom he has probably never met in a state he has probably never seen. Poor guy. (Interesting that he was able to sit relatively still for Cutsie's interview.)

But back to Oprah's comment. Fox is getting headline news because he insterted himself into a political campaign of national importance. He is getting headline news because media folks like Oprah and Cutsie wanted to exploit what some talk-show guy they don't even listen to had to say about a Parkinson's sufferer who put himself smack-dab in the center of a political debate (with very few facts, I might add). And then, after shamelessly exploiting this American icon, they decry the very fact that they even had to bring this issue to our attention, when there is other, far more important matters of propaganda which should be our focus.

Oprah, look at your freakin' newspaper. Tell me, without opening the paper, how many soldiers died in Iraq today. Exactly. It's right there. Don't whine about the body count not being in the spotlight. It will not go away. Trust me. So long as it scores political points, it will not go away. And Cutsie will smile in her sad little way every time she gets to report a larger number.

Greenpeace gone bad? Huh

My wife and I were watching "Without A Trace" on CBS last night. Interesting plot. Boy gets kidnapped. Parents are asked if they have any enemies. Dad: none that he knows of; Mom: lots of them. She is lobbyist for the petroleum industry. OK. That's a start. So have you been getting any threats, lately? Tons every day, she replies. Any violent environmentalist groups? Well, there is this one...

Awww, I hate it when you can so easily eliminate a suspect on these shows, not by any of the usual deductive methods that one would logically use if one were a real detective, but just from knowing how Hollywood works.

See, in the real world, such an extreme environmentalist group might actually be capable of such a horrific act. Trust me, I just read a whole bunch of responses to AlGore's Yahoo-Answers question. (Yeah, Gore, who I thought was soooo smart as to invent such things as the internet and time travel, doesn't even know how to keep the sun from fluctuating it's temperatures to stop this global warming trend that is going is going to kill us all tomor---









Ha gotcha. No, he posed a question online about how to best attack all us non-believers - presumably in a figurative way - and got a whole laundry list of mindless zombies, some of them quite aggravated at me.)

Anyway, I asked my wife what the chances were that this environmentalist group had anything to do with the boy's abduction. She just gave me that 'yeah, right!' look. So we then began speculating about who is actually going to get blamed for this and determined that it is either some right wing petroleum group trying to protect themselves since this lobbyist is probably actually going Benedict Arnold on them, or some business-type people upset with the minimum wage increase and the effects it will have on their roughnecks.

We were close. It turns out the Dad was going turncoat on his pharmaceuticals company, and that made some pro-business people (who of course must be wackier than any hey-dude-greenpeace wacko) very uncomfortable.

Suprise, suprise.

Thanks, Hollywood, for another unexpected twist!