Sheryl Crow Makes Sense

Sheryl Crow is urging the use of only one sheet of toilet paper per visit. Personally, I think this is a grand and practical idea. In addition to saving our planet from global warming by overheated used toilet paper (the friction caused by the wipe generates a significant amount of heat that gets trapped in the fibers), we would also be promoting a healthier and more sanitary environment, as we would be forced to wash our hands and clothes more frequently. We would also avoid social and public congregations, for obvious reasons, further alleviating the environment of the cumulative build up of hot air.

Crow further proposes the removable sleeve, for wiping your mouth during dinner, or your nose during a cold, or your eye after a melee in the mosh pit at a Crow concert. This will alleviate the overuse of throw-away napkins and kleenex. The preservation of germs and viruses will keep people home more often, resulting in decreased productivity, resulting in fewer vehicle and factory emissions, and more time watching indoctrinational daytime talk-shows. (I just wonder what we will use to dab our eyes during the soaps.)

There is an economic advantage behind this innovative toilet paper idea. In a house full of girls, 32.6% of our annual budget goes toward the purchase of this household necessity. No longer would I be interrupted in the middle of Lost by the all-too-familiar phrase "Can someone bring me some toilet paper?!!!"