Sheryl Crow Makes Sense

Sheryl Crow is urging the use of only one sheet of toilet paper per visit. Personally, I think this is a grand and practical idea. In addition to saving our planet from global warming by overheated used toilet paper (the friction caused by the wipe generates a significant amount of heat that gets trapped in the fibers), we would also be promoting a healthier and more sanitary environment, as we would be forced to wash our hands and clothes more frequently. We would also avoid social and public congregations, for obvious reasons, further alleviating the environment of the cumulative build up of hot air.

Crow further proposes the removable sleeve, for wiping your mouth during dinner, or your nose during a cold, or your eye after a melee in the mosh pit at a Crow concert. This will alleviate the overuse of throw-away napkins and kleenex. The preservation of germs and viruses will keep people home more often, resulting in decreased productivity, resulting in fewer vehicle and factory emissions, and more time watching indoctrinational daytime talk-shows. (I just wonder what we will use to dab our eyes during the soaps.)

There is an economic advantage behind this innovative toilet paper idea. In a house full of girls, 32.6% of our annual budget goes toward the purchase of this household necessity. No longer would I be interrupted in the middle of Lost by the all-too-familiar phrase "Can someone bring me some toilet paper?!!!"

I Deliver!

I searched and searched. At first, all I could find was a hippo in a bikini...




But I knew that would not be enough for my devoted readers. So I kept searching, thru hundreds of disturbing pictures, to find this...





A monkey in a hula skirt (with a bikini top?)










Something told me this still wouldn't be enough for Big Mac, so I continued on my virtual safari. I finally found...












Are you happy now?!

Thanks, I think I'll go take a shower.

I love my wife!

My wife is awesome! She has really taken to this wave of reality shows, exposing me, in the process, to a wide world of diverse tastes and talents. But never have I appreciated this fascination as fully as I did this week.

Dancing w/ the Stars is a show about precision, technique, and talent. The idea is to take fading celebrities, some of whom you would probably never remember as having existed, and pay them to learn to dance. They work hard all week, and then perform on Monday night. This season has been rather uneventful. In fact, I was wondering if any of them were even taking this job seriously. So were the judges. Clyde the Jolly Green Giant seemed more concerned with scheduling tee times than whirling hips and throwing small ladies around.

Mr. Achy Breaky appears ached and breaked.

The former Mrs. McCartney's leg landed her on her buttocks.


Just as I was beginning to lose all hope, and start washing dishes...



Apollo and the Tiger Lady.








and...





and then...



Now, who couldn't appreciate fine ballroom dancing?

Thanks, Sweetheart!

Perfect Timing

I love cell phones. I just don't like mine. The pictures are basically blue and white, and if you squint just right, you can sort of see Elvis. My cell phone likes to do things on its own, like run out of juice in the middle of the day, and freeze up when you turn it on. Most annoying, though, is it's nefarious trick I like to call (for lack of a better term) "switch-off-silent-mode-when-you're-not-looking".

This is a pretty cool trick, I must admit. Yesterday, my professor was going on about when one can or cannot take an immediate appeal before all judgments are final at the trial court level. He paused to see if we had any questions. Of course, we all kept our questions to ourselves, so he said, "OK, then. I'll move on."

Suddenly, at that very moment, the angels sang. "HALLelujah! HALLelujah! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, HalLEeeeelujah!"

My wife was calling.

Love those ringtones!

You Asked for It!

Well, one of you, anyway. But on this blog, that's almost a majority.




OK. So it's not exactly a bikini...

I heart Algore!

I have a lot of short-sleeved shirts, and a few shorts. My wife put away the kids winter clothes a few weeks ago. I get up in the morning, and think about wearing shorts. But I can't. We had to pull the kids clothes out of storage. I found myself running late because I had to scrape the windshield. My car doesn't like to start in the cold. We have to run the heater at night to keep the girls healthy. There is talk of snow coming in this weekend. It didn't happen last weekend, but it was possible, then, too.

Why the sudden and strange cold weather? I guess Algore and his minions have done too good of a job. It turns out that Algore's jet, which we all (me included) mocked as being a little counter-productive to his message, actually had been modified to "de-burn" jet fuel, thus expelling cold gases. By zipping all over the world to promote his Nobel candidacy along with a little video about massive world destruction, he has actually been offsetting the exorbitant amounts of heat being generated by cattle ranchers, oil drillers, and Imus in the Morning. And his mansion, by burning more natural gas than a small country, like, say, India, has actually been ridding the world of this natural gas.

Apparently, though, this compacted burn has inadvertently created a vacuum in Central Tennessee, which has resulted in a suction of Arctic air pulling snow into New England, and, well, nobody really knows about the rest of the country that is not New England, so we can only speculate that it has gotten spread across the red states, as well.Personally, I like the cold weather, so I am now a big fan of Mr. gore, and I think we can all breath a sigh of relief. Just not all at once, since that would put too much hot air into the atmosphere, causing the global warming phenomenon that used to be called "summer".

Another Perspective

I have come across a site I am considering adding to my list of favorite sites. The Good Democrat is an LDS blogger with some incredible insight. I have commented on a few of his blogs, in part to challenge, and in part to glean a little wisdom. I have already linked to him in a couple of my blogs.

It is rare to meet an LDS Democrat, especially one who can present thought-provoking arguments backed up with research and authorities. I have found him to be a little too idealistic, but still with a few toes touching the ground. Spend a little time over there. But then check back here every now and then.

Speaking of Chris Matthews...

I think I have found why Libs will always be Libs, and why they will never understand this war. They have no substance. For evidence, check out this blog. Particularly striking is Chris Matthews comment about why people were so supportive of Bush when he delivered his "Mission Accomplished" speech.

As Matthews saw it, people jumped on the war wagon because they liked the idea of having a hero for president, because we like having a "guy" as our president. Thus, we supported the war, not because there were two very tall buildings no longer in the New York skyline,
or a big hole in the Pentagon, or a scar on a field in Pennsylvania. Not because Saddam had given us every reason to believe he was supporting the guys who dunnit. Not because Iraq was hiding weapons of mass destruction, and threatening to use them to destroy us. Not because this was an important stage in the war against terror. Not because we saw this as a strategic element in the big picture.
No, Chris gives supporters of this war no credit for having any substantial reason for supporting this war, and the commander-in-chief. We supported this war because Bush is a "guy".

"Sam," you say, "this seems to be evidence that conservatives have no substance." If you believe that, then you have just demonstrated your own lack of substance. Chris has no substance because he cannot accept that there may be valid reasons that people supported this war. He has no substance because he actually believes that supporters of the war have no substance, and that a person can only support the war because they are nothing but sheep. He has no substance because he looks at the person of the President rather than the substance of the President's arguments. He has no substance because he refuses to support the war only because he refuses to support a Republican president. And that is why he will always be a Lib. It's just too easy.

Roasted Mice

No point in just throwing the critters out!

I ate WHAT!??

Don't worry, I gutted them first.

Cheap kicks

OK. In case you haven't noticed (the three of you who actually look at my site), I have stayed away from politics for a while. That is partly because I have other important things going on, like samokin' meats, and other stuff (school, work, fixing the stupid van, spending time with the family, shooing flies, watching grass grow, and so on). I happened to glance at Chris Matthews (has anyone else noticed he's starting to look less round and more decrepit?)











(Just kidding!)




(Here's the real comparison.)






and just couldn't stomach the blatant group kickfest at the expense of the president. Republicans may have been incompetent, but at they weren't dangerous. Dems just seem to be there to play the game. Listen to the words being spewed by any one of them, and you will find very little that has to do with the reality of whatever situation they are addressing. Rather, you will find carefully chosen and timed phrases that do nothing more than give either the party or the person, or sometimes the idea, a crafted edge in a political game. I have a hard time seeing how anything they say has any basis in actual public policy. Think about it. The "little guy" gets mentioned all the time, but never benefits from any of the talk. The Dems have done nothing for the "little guy" (oh yeah, there was the raise to give three people in all of America their first raise in ten years).

I couldn't take it. But don't worry. Once my life settles back down to absolute doldrum, I'll start paying attention again. In the meantime, go Romney!

I do love Algore, though. Who couldn't? He's a big geeky looking teddy bear of a man with a lisp whose fur has been all rubbed into annoying little balls from getting kicked across the floor, and who travels the country in his own private jet to get the rest of us to quit using our private jets or face a future of continual swimwear. Give the man a Nobel Prize (that'll shut him up).